Darkness beyond imagination

No good
my surgery spot hurts like hell and I have suicidal thoughts

Oh .. I even have fever

I seriously have no idea what to do anymore…
I have lost my appetite and I can’t eat
my stomach hurts 24/7 and if I eat it gets worse
I keep shaking like hell all the time and I feel like I want to cry
I’ve lost all my strenght

if there is a fucking tumor in my stomach or something like that again,
I don’t want surgery… I want to die this time

my arm is so sore I can’t remove my hoodie…
and it keeps bleeding

oh great…
I end up cutting myself again…
while watching the blood run down my arm, I think about all the laughs I got and will get tomorrow
I just want to die tonight…
I wish I wouldn’t have been that stupid
I’m crying my eyes out of my head

Hm .. I haven’t feed in a long time ..